The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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