You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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