Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
