Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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