I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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