If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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