By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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