Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
