Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
operation have a gay friend backfired
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
that may or may not have been my penis.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
