woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
