Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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