I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
