you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
We have started to decorate penises.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
