so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
