FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
