I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
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WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
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I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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