my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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