Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
