What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
