i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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