i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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