Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
