when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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