Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
