glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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