he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
