I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
