You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
