They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
