HIV tests are more positive than that guy
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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