I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
