wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
