do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
