did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Randomize
