He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
