"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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