Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
