I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
