I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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