There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
