Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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