I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
