Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
