I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
