3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
