Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
