SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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