I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
