note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
