38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
