New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
