Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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