Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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