just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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