Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
