the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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