the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
