an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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