i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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