You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
