and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
my poor anus
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
