My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
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at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
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He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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