Have you finally orgasmed yet?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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