Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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