I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
