Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
