we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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