I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
